Day Four:- the calm before the storm

Not a lot to report today as Husband is away dealing with his fathers funeral with his siblings. They all came over to the house this am. I was pleasant to them all and tried to be as natural as I could be. H was completely cold and stiff around me though, and I can't imagine it wasn't obvious for all to see. Still, I pretended not to see /hear anything and battled through. 45 minutes later they were all gone. So now it s just me and the boys . I spend the day in a surreal state, doing normal house chores and putting up Xmas decorations with the boys. H is back in in the evening. He s obviously drained physically and emotionally. I try and chat normally - do dinner- look after him. It s all very strained and the sick feeling in my stomach has returned:- do not fool yourself I think, this is the calm before the (second round of the) storm. Yesterday s conversation that had felt like such a breakthrough (albeit one of many I was sure were still required) now feels like a distant memory. In fact did it really happen? I very much doubt it now... looks like we re still on the path of no return and I will soon be house hunting-either that or in court. God...how can I have let it get to this?! Thankfully, H goes to bed early, and leaves me to finish the evening drinking too much wine and crying in front of some stupid TV programme.